Here we go.... again

Remission - the word you really want to hear.   But there always seems to be the elephant in the room during remission - constantly on the look out for any signs or symptoms that it could be coming back.  Which is what happened.  After 2 years of remission - Tommy started showing some symptoms.   Night sweats, bleeding easily, and getting fatigued really easily.  That was the trifecta - time to get checked out. 

After endless appointments and tests, CT Scans, Pet Scans, blown out veins from blood draws,  hospital stay, a lymph node removal for biopsy --  we finally got the verdict.    Stage 4, grade 3 lymphoma... it was back.. and at the same point it was last time around.  After 2 years in remission, it was back full force.  I had thought we had caught it early -- I had thought we were being so vigilant...  Then there came all the words... chemo, hair loss, transplant doctors....  that's the point I got stuck.. more on that in a minute.

So we start another round of chemotherapy. That's not being said flippantly.   This is a more aggressive treatment this time around.  Thankfully, one of the chemo drugs used last time as part of a trial, is now FDA approved, and that is one of 4 that is in this go around. Plus the god-forsaken Nuelasta shot. 

More aggressive is going to mean more side effects. Having already been surprised by one -- would be nice if the doctors or nurses tell you things like "Your pee is going to be blood red for a day... don't panic."    He's already completed the first round of chemo, and it was broken into 2 visits -- this is done to reduce the possible reactions.  From here on out it will be one visit every 3 weeks, plus a return trip the next day for the Nuelasta shot.   For at least the next 6 months.

After that we need to discuss the options for the stem cell transplant.  On one hand, amazing what they can do for treatment now a days.  He will effectively take on the immune system of the donor.  We're hoping his brother is a match, but there is a 1 in 4 chance he will be.  If he doesn't match, then we go to the donor bank.   This is, the doctor said, the best shot at a cure.  We can get him back into remission without this, but this is a CURE.  However, it doesn't come with out some pretty serious risks.    There's many prayers to be made between now and then, and please, send prayers to us for guidance on the right path!

There was some good news!   He had to have a heart scan done to make sure his heart could handle one of the drugs.  There was a nearly 50% improvement in his heart function from the last time!  Guess there might be something to that eating healthy and being active stuff the doctors preach after all!  Hoping him starting from a healthier place this time around will help in the long run. 

More to come.  Next appointments are in the beginning of August.   We should start seeing hair loss sometime next week.  (I'm vainly hoping it will spare the legendary mustache!)  Don't matter in the long run... as long as I get to give him kisses, mustache or not, it'll be OK.


~~  FF'sGirl ~~

You Never Forget

We all wish we had not seen some of the thing we did; whether you were on a Paid or Volly Department .   I also had the "pleasure" of seeing an infusion room more than I wanted.  Two years cancer free and today, while accompanying a family member to a doctor's appointment, I saw my first infusion room since that time. 

Wow.

Same recliners, same looking I.V. poles.  I was OK for a bit, then they started to hang the I.V. bags and that was it.  All the memories of being in that room  flooded back.  I saw what I saw so many times before; folks getting hooked up.  Then I realized what was different.. what was bothering me.?

I wasn't in there.

I wasn't talking to the other patients.  I was not giving words of encouragement.  I failed as a FF/EMT/Chappy.  I let those people down.  I should have gone and talked to them.  Reassured them that you can win against whatever disease you are fighting. 

When I got home, I needed to think this out and ask myself a few questions.

Out to the "Man Cave" -- surrounded by fire trucks, tools, books, and patches. (I love to look at them since they belong to some friends and past departments I was in).

I was in my comfort zone.  I looked around and my eyes focused on the "Flag of Honor" - right to the name I've looked at so many times before.  Paul A Tegtmeier.  Fellow FF, mentor and friend to both myself and my mother.  Then I thought ..... thought hard.

What would Paul have told me?  Sitting outside in the country, listening ot the birds, looking at nature... my garden & flowers.  It's all very comforting and the perfect place to just sit and think.

"Do what you do best.  Be there for people.  You have seen the victims at MVAs, the cardios and the infusion rooms.  Get in there and do your job."

One other thing I keep in my cave is a set of rosary beads that belonged to my Pops.  I prayed the Rosary and asked the Lord for forgiveness for not doing my job.  I sat for awhile and then I felt it.  Rain on my face.  Rain, the giver of life that washes away everything so it is clean and fresh.

Lord, thank you for opening my eyes to what I need to do.  First I need to reconnect with those that I talked to in the past.   I have most of your phone numbers- but lost a few when my cell phone crashed, but please email me (tomharkins63@yahoo.com) with your number.

Second, I need to follow my own advice.  "Never give up, never given in and never forget!!"

For my friends, FD, PD, EMS and LEOs- my the Lord hold you close and protect you.  Please remember those that are hurting both mentally and physically and grant them serenity and peace.

Best Regards -
   Chappy Tex (Tommy)

Opening Prayer for Texas Firewalkers 9/11 Memorial Stairclimb

September 8, 2013

Welcome everyone -- so wonderful to have such a great turn out for the Texas FireWalkers memorial stair climb. For those that do not know me, My name is Tom Harkins, I was a Volly in NY and here in  Texas. I have now dedicated my life to the Chaplaincy with the Texas Firewalkers,I am here for you. And a big thank you to Pee Wee for giving me this opportunity.

We gather today to honor those gave their lives so that others may live on September 11, 2001, and this year we also carry ,February 18, 2013 in Bryan, Tx,  April 17, 2013 in West, TX, May 31 in Houston, and June 30th in Yarnell AZ in our hearts.

In Romans 5:3, it reads:  

    rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God  has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

   

I believe this passage sums up today to a Tee. Let us today rejoice in our sufferings.  Let us carry in our hearts the courage, and character of those we honor, and in doing so, let us feel the hope of the future.   

This is not a race , but a time of reflection on those lost.  A time to honor bravery and sacrifice.  A time to lift up and carry and hold close the friends and families of those that have given their all.  A time to share a message of endurance, and character and most importantly hope for the loved ones of the fallen.

Capt.Patrick Brown FDNY 3 Truck once  said "When the public needs help they call us, when we need help all we have is each other".  And while the path of grief is a personal one, we are proof here today the Brotherhood is still alive. That no matter how near or far, we are but one family, and we all do grieve the losses of our brothers and sisters.  

We thank the Lord for giving us these amazing men and women, and ask for continued blessings for their families, so they know they are not walking through this grief alone.I leave you wit the prayer of Fr Mychal Judge “  Lord take me where you want me to go, let me meet who you want me to meet, tell me what you want me to say, and keep me out of your way”

Let us pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to all be here today to give tribute to those we have lost on September 11, 2001 in New York, and all the other LODD’S across our great country.   

We ask that you bless the bodies of those about to climb and be with them every step of the physical, mental and emotional journey on which they are about to embark.

We ask that you continue to surround the families and friends of those that have entered your eternal kingdom with your unwavering love and comfort, and let their hearts be lighter for the shared sorrow we endure.

Please stay with and help lead the way for those that are fighting disease and cancer, and bless their families with the support, courage and love that will guide them through the fight. I know, Lord, that when the hours seem the darkest, your light shines the brightest, and we pray they will find strength in your light.

And I ask that you stay with all of us today, as we go forth from here. Bless us Oh Lord, and let us carry your love and strength through today, and into all of our tomorrows.

In Jesus name we pray,

Amen

© 2013 FirefighterBattlesCancer.blogspot.com, Tom Harkins, Gina Arnold

No part of this publication in part or in whole may be used without the express written permission of the authors/owners.

Missing you my neglected friends!

It has been WAY too long since we've posted an update here -- and I can't apologize enough! Tommy is in his 2nd year of remission and we continue to pray the cancer is gone for good. We're both back at work full time (and then some) now. 

Tommy has also continued his studies and is working on becoming a (non-denominational) Chaplain. I'm so very proud of him and his work to give back all the support and love he received during his cancer treatments. He has found this is a good platform, not only to spread the good word, but also to share experiences, and help the Brothers cope in especially difficult times.

 We're making plans for another milestone... His 50th birthday. Where better for the Chappie than Sin City? Wish us luck!

 Sept 8, Tommy will be leading the prayer for the Central Texas 9/11 Memorial Stair climb in Austin. The Memorial will also be honoring those lost in the West, TX explosion earlier this year. Our hearts and prayers continue to go out to the family and friends of those lost, as well as the community of West as a whole. More information on the Texas FireWalker's Page .  Tommy's son will be participating in the stair climb this year as well.   We encourage you all to come out and show your support.

Our hearts were broken at the news of the 19 firefighter deaths in Prescott, AZ at the Yarnell Fire.  An unbelievable tragedy, and send our deepest sympathies to the families, friends and communities of those lost.

As of this writing, there have already been 63 LODD's  this year in the fire service across the United States. It has been a terribly tragic year for the fire service.  Hoping the rest of the year is safer, and we don't see any more increase in that number.

Hold your loved ones close.

Video- Firefighter Cancer Support Network 2013

Hope....

“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow.” – Orison Swett Marden

Tommy had his six month and things are continuing to look good, lymph nodes smaller, white blood cell counts in the low normal range.  He is still in remission!  Praying the good news continues!

Couple events that have happened recently got me to thinking about hope.  One is Tommy’s dr. telling him that while he’s in remission now, recurrence from this particular cancer, as with any, is possible.  Which, we know, but it was something about it that just struck an ominous chord with me; it felt very defeating – like a rug pulled out from underneath us.  And while the doctor tried to be reassuring, noting all the new and different treatments out there, it still left the question of not if, but when.  It took away a good portion of the hope that life will become normalized sooner or later.  That nuclear scans and the endless poking and prodding will eventually be a thing of the past, let alone the hours in the infusion chair.  Hope that the bone pain, nausea and other side effects from chemo will never have to be considered again seems to unlikely.

Psychologically, this has done a number on both of us. Physically, the ongoing stress of work and then getting knocked upside the head with this news has made Tommy literally sick. The only answers I can give him, is the fear is normal, the wondering if it’s coming back is normal.  But even in remission, especially with the low white blood cells to fight off the infections, you are going to get colds and stomach flu’s.  While vigilance for the signs is important, it is also necessary to keep perspective.

Right now, instead of focusing on the “when” and the “ifs” a perspective change and looking at the positive will go a long, long way.   The good news is he’s in remission. 

And we can start moving forward with our tomorrows that we are dreaming about, and all the positives that is being mapped out in our lives.

Hope is very powerful-- sometimes it is all a person has. We will still cling to the hope we have – that the cancer is gone, and it will stay gone.  

“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” – Robert H. Schuller

Remembering 9/11/01

This, like every year since 2001, is a very solemn time spent in reverence for those we lost on 9/11/01.

This past Saturday Tommy participated in the Texas Firewalkers Memorial Stair Climb.  While he was not able to do the climb since he was recovering from having his chemo port removed; it was a deep honor to help, and extends humble gratitude to those that participated in the stair climb.

Prayers go out to those still hurting, still mourning and still grieving 11 years on.

Never Forget.